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Being In Love

How do you know when you are in love? Is love a decision, something you feel, what? As I think about the question I remember two occasions when I thought I was in love, and, once when I didn?t know until after the fact. I don?t know which time was the real deal.

As I have written before in other articles sex confuses your feelings and clouds your judgment. Before I got married there was a girl whom I met while traveling. We met briefly one night at a casino. A few nights later she agreed to go out with me. We had dinner. We talked for a few hours. Then we ended up going to bed together. After I left her city we started to write to each other. We wrote for about a year. During that time we began to express love for one another. Then she came to visit me where I was living at the time.

We continued where we left off. The sex was great and we did it more and more. I really believe that I was in love but perhaps I shouldn?t have been. It turns out that our religious beliefs so conflicted that we were not able to come to any common ground. The sex blinded both of us to this ?elephant in the living-room? for a long while. We both thought we could make it work. Finally both of us realized that it was not going to work. We broke it off and we both were deeply hurt by the breakup. This was the most pain I have ever gone through at the time and it took nearly a year to get over.

When I was in college (McNesse State - Lake Charles, La.) 6 years before this I was very attracted to a fellow music major (girl). The first time I saw her was in Texas at a jazz festival. She was playing in the sax section of the McNeese State jazz ensemble. That?s pretty much when I decided that I was going to that school. The next semester I was there.

I finally met her. Her name was Joyce. I even wrote a song for her - ?A Song For Joyce.? From the time I presented it to her we kind of hung out. We never did date though. We only became friends. She was really the first real female friend I ever had. We did not do that many things together. Ever now and then we?d have coffee or something. That?s all there was to the relationship.

The next semester I didn?t go back to McNeese because of financial reasons. I remember lying in bed at my parents home thinking about Joyce. When I realized that I might not ever see her again (I didn?t) I cried. And I cried for days. I didn?t even know that I had fallen for her. I never told anyone. I had never been in love before. It was an unexpected pain. The friendship was so natural. I didn?t know how much it meant to me until I didn?t have it anymore.

My last relationship and subsequent marriage is the strangest. I started this article thinking about the times I thought I was in love. This was the second time I believed I was in love. As I said, I didn?t know I was in love with Joyce. My relationship with the girl I married started out as most relationships do. We hung out, did things together, and eventually ended up sleeping together. I believed I was in love. I asked her to marry me and she said yes. Now as I think back about the times I was in love, this relationship does not register with the other two times.

In the other two relationships there was a lot of pain. When my marriage first began to have problems there was pain but in the end, it was mostly anger. It is hard to explain. I didn?t want the marriage to end. We had two kids. We had our share of fights and I hated those. There were many times I felt that I just couldn?t live up to her expectations. So there were some reasons to be glad about the relationship?s end.

Perhaps because the marriage lasted longer than the other two relationships there was more time for the fights to come, and, the opportunities to hurt one another. Maybe this is why the relationship doesn?t seem like one of the times when I was in love. Or maybe I wasn?t in love. Maybe I was in love with the idea of being married. Who knows?

I believe that being in love should be like a great friendship. Two people who get along greatly together. People who can agree, and, who can disagree, yet, they still remain attracted to each other. They are in love. When two people are together and they aren?t in love to disagree can lead to huge fights. It leads to hurt feelings. Ultimately it could mean the end of the relationship. When you are in love with one another disagreements don?t mean a thing. Its just a disagreement. You are in love.

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